Saturday, May 30, 2009


I am not, despite my drunken insistence to the contrary, "literally allergic to your fucking face."  Whatever I said, I did not "actually break out into Goddamn hives just from seeing your smarmy mug come into the room."  The itching was mostly feigned.  While I do not always welcome your company, I think that, for safety's sake, it's important to come clean regarding any medical condition that I might have claimed, last night or any other.  Jaegermeister does, as I insisted, make me feel ill, but this likely more an issue of taste than "because my more highly evolved body rejects horrible poisons that this low-rent corpse you call your body is willing to accept."

On a related note, I do not have any firsthand knowledge of your mother's felatio skills, and she did not give me any sexually transmitted diseases, much less a variety of them.  I did, however, once make out with her at a PTA function, for which I will not apologize.  As we discussed last night, I feel that I cannot be blamed for "her whorish ways."

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