Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Why?

I started this blog, it seems, in June of 2005. Including the post which reads only "Blogs are for suckers," I composed and published exactly 8 posts in just under 5 months. I have not looked at it since, other than when I started looking for a job and wanted to ensure that I didn't have anything on here that would make me unhireable (there was, in fact, a link to a page of silly blasphemous limericks that I had written and didn't feel were worth keeping, which I removed). So why, then, years later, am I starting again to work on this silly thing? I'm not entirely sure. I think that something about the name appealed to me, and felt that it would be somehow off to use the name on another page. Also, there were a few things on this stupid thing that I'm still rather enamored of. I didn't do much that was of any use to anyone during that period other than to heal, but I don't think that any part of my life was without any merit at all, and somehow this is the best of the thinking I did that summer and autumn. Or maybe it's not at all. I can say with some confidence that everything on here from that period was written while deeply under the influence of alcohol. I intend to go back through these old posts and edit them somewhat. While that seems contrary to the traditional idea of published works being static, it's a brave new world, and our ideas of what "published" means has obviously changed, and will continue to rapidly change over the next several years.
Odd, now that I think about it, that one of the changes of the last several years is a movement back to the written word. We have gone from the era of communication via letters and face-to-face encounters to the era of telephones to cell-phones and now to blogs, IMs, email, and texting. The disembodied voice is again a stranger of sorts, and again we are often left to imagine the voice of those who communicate to the masses. Certainly online video is further morphing this, but I think that the written (typed) word will continue to have a resurgence that will have lasting effect as our generation has found the joys of the composed sentence, which we missed in the days of telephones and even chat rooms.
That was an aside. So I'm resurrecting this blog (God, how I still hate that word). I am a different person now. I own or control more than a dozen blogs. Some of them are read by hundreds or even thousands of people a day. This thing that I'm using to write and publish, Blogger, is somewhat archaic and extremely limited when compared to what I'm now used to as a platform. That is somehow appealing to me. While I pay for hosting elsewhere and don't like to unnecessarily rely on Google, the minimalism and reliable permanence of this system feels right today. Right enough that I shifted the whole thing over to the billdubert.com domain (because I'm Bill Dubert. Get it? I'm clever), which is so intrinsically associated with my identity (where before it was under the name "uber bill"). I might one day shift it over to theuberbill.com or some other domain, but I'll keep it here for a while, I think.
How am I a different person? Besides, of course, having some money nowadays and a shiny new mac (and car), the main difference between the current Bill and Bill circa 2005 is that much of the hurt that drove me inward then has faded. In those days it was an absence of something that I allowed to define me. Most of what I did was an attempt to get away from that. In the end, my world shifted away from that. While I'm not happy about where I am these days (geographically, economically, romantically, whatever), my life is better with me. I'm Bill again. Maybe that's what this resurrection is. Maybe I'm trying to reconnect some with what I was so that I'll understand how these last few years haven't been a waste of my life. It's more than a little upsetting to think of them, and think of what others have done with their time. Maybe this is another step in the right direction, toward freedom.

1 comment:

Tim Staines said...

Did you watch the ESPY's?